We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
