I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
