OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
