No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
