Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
