My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Boobs speak an international language.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
