Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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