it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
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He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
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I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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