She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
