Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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