I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
