the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
