maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
