just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
