Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
