my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
