the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
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I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
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It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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