Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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