For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
