I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
