He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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