The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize