Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
