Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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