god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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