i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
