There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
