its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
