You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you didnt know i had herpes?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
