Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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