Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
