the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
