Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
