Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
