Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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