She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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