I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Tornado booty call.. dedication
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
