I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
