Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
