we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
