Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
