Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
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Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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