She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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