So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She bit a glass in half.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
