you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
