I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
