Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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