If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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