Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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