I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
