i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just gift wrapped bread.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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