Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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