I wish my penis had an off switch
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
