wat bout pragnant strippers??
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
