i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
