My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
