The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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