Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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