My room smells like vodka and shame
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
