You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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