Don't you send me to vm
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
