i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
