this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
