he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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