I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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