Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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