I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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