Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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