Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
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And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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